How I Won Battle Of The Hairline In Ten Minutes Flat

Being cool has always been important to the man with no pants. Too important I'm afraid, but that's another story within itself. Friends, I like myself and I have a lot of self confidence. I always have. But that confidence has a crutch unfortunately .. That crutch is being cool. Now I'm going to come clean with something. The Man With No Pants has a dirty, dark little secret. I've been fighting a battle for twenty years. I'm talking about the battle of my hair line, and my only weapon is an assortment of hats and caps.(Note picture above.)

"Mr. Confidence" has been covering up this problem like some weak little pansey. I'm the guy who says. "When chased by a bear ... ATTACK!" Before I go on let me say this. I'm writing this to reach out to other men who can relate to my problem. Now it occurred to me a few days ago that I've been running from this problem and it's starting to wear on my cool thing, which, like I said, is tied directly to my confidence. I remembered reading something a long time ago about a Civil War general who was facing a battle he knew he couldn't win, he ordered the town to be burned and evacuated. There was my answer!

I issued the order. I've never had great hair anyway. I don't remember ever getting a compliment on my hair. Even when it was all there, it was too thin. A little puff of wind and I looked liked like Garfield. So I got out the hair trimmer, and boldly went to work. After the buzz, I got out the razor and cream and finished it off. The town was burned and evacuated. As I looked at myself in the mirror, I studied the results carefully. I looked different, but good. I have to tell you my friends, it was the feeling of empowerment that impressed me the most though. It was almost over whelming. I had stopped running, attacked the bear, and kicked his ass!

I actually look forward to that morning shave. It's such a relaxing feeling .. almost intimate. Now when I walk around in public, I walk with my bald head held high .. confidence just like the good old days. Bob Dylan said it best .. "If you ain't got nothing, ya got nothing to lose."

I tell you this my cronies, and it's the truth. I've gotten two compliments so far. One girl told me I had a great head for a white guy, and the other said it went good with my muscles. And there's a thing between me and other bald men. It's kind like having a Corvette and you cross paths with another Corvette owner. You know how you give each other that little smile and nod? It's like that.

I am totally happy with my decision to burn my village. If you can identify with what used to be my problem, I encourage you ... Attack the bear! Rid yourself of that burden of having to put those little hairs in exactly the right spot to give the appearance of something that's not really there. I knew a guy who spent a fortune on hair transplants. when the process was finished, he looked like an idiot. Reminded me of Elmer Fudd with a Beatle cut. The truth is, you you can't control hair loss, but that razor gives you control of how the world sees you .

All of us men feel the need to be cool. Now being cool means different things to different people, but we all need confidence. My solution might not be for everybody, but it is for many I feel. The Man With No Pants encourages you to do what's noble, burn the village and get the hell out. You won't regret it.

Again my dear hubbers and hubetts, I thank you for spending a moment with The Man With No Pants!

mwnp